People are complicated.
I don’t believe anyone is, or does, all good, or all bad.
When I think about Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg (from here on out, referred to, with the utmost respect, as RBG), that’s one of the first things that comes to mind.
I was raised to believe she was evil.
My kids have been told by others that she was evil.
A confusing thing to them, to be sure, since I have a picture of her in a sacred space in my home, for reasons I will share here. This also creates a wonderful opportunity for my children to explore what good and evil really is, and how nuanced it can be.
Being raised like I was, with gender exceptions most people in the modern world would consider barbaric, I am always on the lookout for men and women who embody the hope and truth I know intuitively, in the deepest parts of my body and brain. I look for these people, and I watch, and I learn. I heal, and I grow as a person.
RBG is one of those people for me.
I was born in 1980, and my early years set a tone of equality and possibility for me, as a girl-child. I was taught, and believed, that I could be anything, do anything I wanted.
Somewhere between the ages of 7-10 a huge shift started happening in my family of origin. As our family plunged deeper into the world of homeschooling, and religious fundamentalism, the teaching related to the DNA I was born with became much darker.
The loudest voices in my head, from that time, through adolescents and early adulthood, are the voices of my parents, and the people they chose to have in my life as influencers. *
“woman are equal but have different roles”
“women should be keepers at home”
“you don’t need a career because you will be home raising children”
“having your own income is dangerous, because the devil will tempt you to leave your husband if you don’t need the money he earns”
“women getting paid less isn’t bad, it’s just they cant’t do as good a job because hormones and stuff. Anyway, women get paid based on their work just like men do.”
“women who fought to get the vote are heroes, but now everything is equal”
“your children will be bad people if you aren’t a keeper at home”
“men who stay home while they wives work aren’t following God’s plan for a family”
I could go on forever. But there you go.
In my heart, I have ALWAYS known these things are not true. It is possible that my siblings have a different experience, because they probably didn’t get those early messages of equality from our (rather) radical parents that I got.
Unraveling these messages and perversions of God’s love has taken epic work over the last years. Deep diving into jewish tradition and teaching about how God created humans was an important first step for me.
Looking at powerful women in history, and reading their words and stories has given me the courage to live with courage as I raise my children.
RBG was one of those voices for me. To watch her challenge the exceptions of an entire culture motivated me.
To read her words helped me know I wasn’t crazy, when I saw gender inequality in my world.
Knowing she held her faith close is something that gave me hope that being ME didn’t mean I had to turn my back on God.
I don’t need her to be a saint, or evil, to be ok with who she was.
I don’t need her to be a saint, or evil, to grieve the passing of her life from this world.
I am thankful for her work, and the ways she changed the the world for better for my children, regardless of the DNA they were born with.
Your memory is blessing my life, in my family, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, you notorious woman of valor.
* These are the beliefs I had taught to me. This is my experience, and I cannot ask clarifying questions of my parents, to try to better understand, since I am shunned by my family of origin. I do think these things are fairly accurate, because the now-adult people I was raised with, affirm and confirm that this is their experience.
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