I feel things, I see things, I sense things and know things, and sometimes I cannot explain how or why. When I think about how I experience the world, I think I would have to say that I do so through an intuitive, mystic, empathetic lens.
Watching the total eclipse of the sun today was an all-of-body experience for me.
My heart was racing as I counted down.
I could feel the energy of the earth responding to the call of our solar system.
The temperature was dropping, and the toddler yelled “its too COLD” and ran to get his blankey.
I felt the humming electricity through my spirit, as all the earth shifted colors and shades and “THE WAY THINGS ARE” wasn’t, for a brief moment.
How lucky are we, I said aloud, to be a time and place where we know what is happening to our sun. We don’t have to run in fear that the earth is ending, that the gods are coming to smite us. We can watch and enjoy and celebrate this thing.
In the short minute of darkness, I spun around to see the colors of the “sunset” all in a perfect circle around me.
I felt joy, peace, the aliveness of the world around me.
A sun, a moon, giving to us so many things, and in response we live our life, we give our offerings to the humans and the animals and the earth around us. We accept the gifts and we respond. And in doing so, our joy is made bigger, and brighter. Here, in the receiving and the responding, we experience the fullness of life.
There are things I KNOW about myself, my life, my children. I know that I was supposed to leave my husband. I have a lot of practical reasons. A lot of “Biblical” reasons. I choose NOT to share those here now, because part of what I think God is asking me to do, is to live life knowing that not everyone will agree with me, and that is ok.
Standing in the center of a darkness in the middle of the day, colors and sounds all around me, I was reminded that my heart, my body, my spirit, my very created person knows with all certainty that I am in the center of Love.
THE WAY THINGS ARE has shifted for me.
I am in the center of life and goodness and healing. I could try to explain forever why I have taken this path, why I stand in seeming darkness right now. To some, my explanation would make sense, and to others it wouldn’t. But just like the eclipse, my life IS happening, it is happening for a reason, and it will bring good and joy and life and change to all the people standing it’s path.
A beautiful tribute to your soul and your heart…
“because part of what I think God is asking me to do, is to live life knowing that not everyone will agree with me, and that is ok.”
THIS….. this is what I need to grasp fully and be ok with. And I’m not yet. But I want to be. I want to be at a point that I am ok with knowing that I am doing what I believe is what I am supposed to do with each part of my life and that not everyone will agree with me … and that is/will be ok.
This is good….
My dear, sweet Hallie, ❤ Over the last few years I lost contact with you and what was going on in your life. I think it was when I minimized my social networking to protect my own heart –during that time I just started unfollowing and unfriending everyone. Reading your blog now, my heart aches for you. Please, please know that you’re not alone. Many of us have been judged and mistreated by those who claim the name of Christ. I have been told the most hurtful things by other Christians. The sicker I get, the more judgement (I’m currently up to 20+ medical disagnoses). Your posts have me both crying and hurting for you and nodding my head in agreement. I’m guessing you know this, but I’ll say it just as a reminder: not all of us judge. Not all of us say hurtful things. Some Christians believe in actually showing the love of Christ to others. For really real, not just saying it. I’ve had to look to find those people, but they’re there. I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and for speaking out. I have my own blog where I’ve started doing just that, so I understand how difficult it can be to be transparent with your hurt and pain. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. This is me reaching through the screen and giving you a big hug, my friend: (((((((hugs)))))))
Sarah (Artman) Forbes