It’s a disaster, really. “Letting Go” all the while, “Holding On”
My eyes started leaking when I saw this photo I snatched at swim lessons this week. She wanted to jump off the “jumping board”. But she’s no dummy, and she KNOWS kids can drown. And “sometimes doctors can’t save kids.” But she is FREAKIN’ brave, and she really wanted to jump.
The first day, her teacher sort of dangled her off the board, and slowly slid her into the arms of another teacher.
This was the second day.
The image arrested me, because that’s more or less how I feel like I am living life 75% -ish of the time.
I am standing on the board.
Ready to dive.
And all the things…
Court dates.
Sale of the house.
Where am I going to live?
Lonely.
Accusations.
Dreams that didn’t come true.
I am RIGHT THERE! Toes curled over the edge, about to dive, then I reach out, grab on, hold tight, not quite letting go, not quite holding on.
HOLDING ON
Relationships that aged in my heart
Joy
Past experiences of love
Life
The Divine
Hope Rediscovered
My children
Belonging
Dreams
Peace
LETTING GO
Trauma
Guilt
Fear of abandonment
Living in a box
Victimhood
Pleasing people
Old dreams
Enabling
Half told self-truth
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