I exist
I am a Ray
I am the first born child
I love my little brother and sisters
I watched most of them come into the world
I held them through illness, cared for them for weeks without my parents, taught some of them to read, manipulated them, fought with them, and fought off anyone who tried to hurt them.
I love my parents
I did everything I could to love an honor them for my whole life
Now I honor them by doing what I know is right and good
NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS OR DOES TO ME
I have been in every family picture the Rays have taken
UNTIL
I filed for divorce
This summer, I was excluded from the family photo taken at my sister’s wedding
I stood on the side, with my children, while my entire family was photographed, putting on smiles, pretending that I was not standing right there
Pretending like I deserved this judgement
however
YOU CAN’T ERASE ME
I say this for me, and my children
I say this for every person who has been in my shoes
WE CAN NOT BE ERASED
WE ARE HERE
WE ARE LOVED
Crater Lake 2006
Christmas 2006
Spring 2008
Baby Esther in my womb, right before we moved to China
Winter 2009
visiting from China
Summer 2012
(maybe?)
January 2014
JZ had not yet been adopted
Summer 2016
Finally a family photo with JZ included
I had separated, but not yet divorced. I pray this is not the last family photo I ever have with my family of origin. If it is, I will always be thankful that I have it
❤️
You are unforgettable. You are valuable. <3
I am thankful you have the courage to say this, Hallie. I pray for your parents and your whole family who, without knowing them, I’m sure are doing what they believe God wants them to do. But I can say with the dark heavy grief of experience that they’re mistaken. Having loved my son from the womb, I believed the best way to love him was through shunning. And now I can never apologize and ask his forgiveness. God grant grace that your family can be reconciled this side of the grave.
oh Shelle. How terribly awful. I am so sorry for your pain and grief.
And yes, they do believe God wants them to do this. Sending you lot of love.
You will see him again, and all will be healed.
You are a witness. A door to the love of the Father for someone! Even if you can’t see it. You’re a point of reference and your freedom and dignity is freedom and dignity for all!
thank you Lene
I am dumbfounded and angered by their cruelty. I’m so sorry you and your children are having to experience this trauma. 😭 Your spirit is beautiful. 💙💜💗
Thank you for writing this. Thank you for sharing this, Hallie. <3